10 Reasons Why You Probablly Shouldn't Be Amish Anymore:
10. You start what you think is a really good Amish blog and your only visitors are Hutterites.
9. You are met with cold stares while attempting to discuss the latest episode of "The Sopranos" with the Elders.
8. You kind of enjoy "being out among them English".
7. You've eschewed the traditional Amish beard for a "Crowder".
6. You continually violate The Ordnung by reading the Message/Remix outloud at worship.
5. You sew shiny buttons on your shirt in a vain attempt to get shunned.
4. Yours is the only Horse Buggy in Lancaster County with airbrushed flames on the side.
3. Your Pacifism keeps interfering with your desire to become a Navy Seal.
2. You skip Eli Van Dorn's Barn Raising to watch "Home Improvement" reruns at your Mennonite neighbor's house.
1. Plain just doesn't cut it anymore.
*I'd really like some feedback from my Amish readers on this one, Thanks!
posted by marc at 12/15/2005 03:40:00 PM
22 Pleas:
If an amish person answered this one, wouldn't that be reason 11?
i didn't think they were allowed computers?
Exactly!
dang your funny marc seriously who are you marc heinrich??
We been spending most our lives
Living in an Amish paradise
I've churned butter once or twice
Living in an Amish paradise
It's hard work and sacrifice
Living in an Amish paradise
We sell quilts at discount price
Living in an Amish paradise
This was wicked funny. You might be Amish if you keep looking for Harrison Ford to show up with a gunshot wound and running from the FBI.
As my Mennonite relatives are fond of saying:
"You're saying me 'yes', but doing me 'no'."
Not sure how/if that applies to you post, but it's the only Menno saying I know in english.
Or you might just be emerging Amish...
Hey, wilde man, the Amish were using candles long before the Emergents came along and tried to make it popular. Now they're looking for another light source.
11. Cell phone rings while you're at church.
12. Beard keeps getting caught in the paper shredder.
13. Power tools.
14. You're Jewish.
15. You hate 'hat hair'.
You might add these that someone sent me:
1. Your name is Jebediah, but you go by "Jeb Daddy"
2. You use slang expression: "talk to the hand, cause the beard ain't listening."
3. You wear your round big black hat backwards.
4. You were recently pulled over for "driving under the influence of cottage cheese."
5. You like to sleep in till 5:00AM
16. You're pondering whether it would violate The Ordnung to upgrade your thresher's hydraulic leveling control system to OSX.
you are trying to figure out a way to use your new blowdryer.
you decide your favorite food is california cuisine
you buy a hawaian shirt just to fit in.
you start quoting Monty Python or Princess Bride.
I appreciate all the jokes, but seriously, where are all the Amish commentors?
This means comedy war.
The Amish comments are posted over at Boars Head Tavern and iMonk.
War is such an ugly word Frank... how bout' Ultimate Comedy Smackdown
I've just invented a joke.
Knock knock
Who's there?
Amish
Amish who?
Amish Moneypenny, is M around?
I think Daniel's been 'morphing' a little too much ; )
LOL
;) "I am Esau. I am Amish. I am incognito at library. I am outraged. Guard your wheat crop!"
Thanks:)
This is outda line, young man. We are Christyins too ya know.
The radical reformation was....well...radical.
You should check out the motor on my carriage. It's fantastic. Don't tell the horses.
Hillarious! My dad's side of the family is Amish and we go back and we "vacation" there every two years. I think I'll print out your list and let them see it...they would crack up.
Thanks for the laugh.
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